Why Girlfriends Are the Best Medicine
Since the dawn of time, females have been societally and genetically programmed to stick together. From the badass Amazon warrior women of Ancient Greece to Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony to Diana Ross and the Supremes, women just seem to work better as a unit. Perhaps this goes back to our animalistic biological makeup that naturally encouraged females to work together, build relationships, and breed, birth, nurture, and strengthen the herd. As humans and in the present day, we may not always need to stick together for sheer survival, per se, but this really got me thinking…Don’t we, though? When I started thinking about the benefits of having a girl gang, tribe, besties, clique, etc, they surely had beneficial aspects that I would consider tied to survival. Follow me for a moment…
Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, developed his theory of the Hierarchy of Needs in a 1943 research paper discussing the elements of human motivation. He posited that certain basic needs must be met before ultimately reaching self-actualization. Needs like food, shelter, clothing, sleep came before needs like love and belonging. If we were to use this theory to explore the facets of female relationships that are linked to survival, I predict that we would find many links between female friendships and motivation to not only survive, but thrive.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
Tier 1: Physiological Needs (Air, Water, Food, Shelter, Sleep, Clothing, Reproduction)
Tier 1 is the most basic tier with regard to survival. Without the elements of Tier 1, odds of survival can be drastically limited or downright impossible. From a psychological perspective, until the needs of Tier 1 can be met, no other needs can really be of focus. For example, why bother worrying about anything else if you don’t have a roof over your head or shoes on your feet? If you don’t have air, it’s going to be difficult to care about much else for the time being. You get my point.
So let’s look at Tier 1 with respect to my girlfriends=life theory. Girlfriends may not provide you with air, but I am sure countless women would attest that their closest friends have not missed the call to action when it came to providing or sharing clothes (also making sure you don’t leave the house looking like a hot mess), letting you sleep at their house when necessary (hello, fun late nights), and of course, most girlfriends I know will never pass up a chance to eat. Reproductive needs may be a bit more challenging or rare, but I know of multiple women who have carried their friend’s baby when they could not or even provided their own genetic material (aka eggs) to assist in the formation of their friend’s family. THAT is love. I believe I have proven my point. NEXT…
Tier 2: Safety Needs (Personal security, Employment, Resources, Health, Property)
Since we have clearly met our Tier 1 needs for survival, we are moving into Tier 2, the Safety Needs. These needs are all about mastering the facets of survival that make us feel safe and secure. I don’t know about you, but every friend I have carries a can of mace, some have pocket knives, and others, well…you see where I’m going with this. Ladies are packing, let’s just say that. We may be rocking our studded stilettos, but we know exactly where to aim said stiletto if things got weird. Girlfriends will always have your back with your job, knowing to put you at the top of the list for that new position that opened up in-house or even which day of the week your boss is going to be a real pain in the neck, thus they have a good luck text waiting for you when you wake up that morning.
Girlfriends are always there to discuss weird, gross, and scary health concerns, especially your friends in the medical field. Give them an extra hug next time you see them. They will remind you to get that mole checked or tell you your meds may need a tweak if you’ve been acting funny. You may be annoyed at first, but you know they’re right, and you know they’re saying it because they love you. Point being: Your girlfriends have your back! As far as resources and property, think back to that time you and your guy had a fight or broke up. Who was on the other end of the line with a cup of tea (or tea-quila) and a spare room for you to sleep off your troubles? Your girlfriend, that’s who.
Tier 3: Love and Belonging (Friendship, Intimacy, Family, Sense of Connection)
Our next tier is basically the female anthem. It may actually be the “survival tier” for women, if not for air and water. Those are important, obviously. Tier 3 is all about emotional connection and a sense of belonging, and it’s where women really shine. Again, females are typically programmed to be great at being emotionally connected, loving, the glue of the family, etc. While not every woman has to be deeply in touch with her feelings or expressive of them, when it comes to her girlfriends, everyone knows she’s ride or die. The bond women share with each other is like no other. We can go to dinner, cry about a death in the family, laugh hysterically about bathroom humor, and it all flows ever so seamlessly.
Nothing brings out the best in a woman like time with her girlfriends. Think of the last time you and your friends went on a girls’ trip. If you told me the thought of all of you together at once didn’t simultaneously thrill you and strike the tiniest cord of fear in your heart because you were all so excited to see each other that things might just get a little crazy, you’d be lying. But seriously—think of how happy you are with your girlfriends, how you have a renewed spirit, how you laugh like you literally never laugh otherwise, how you feel seen and how you feel known. That is the power of girlfriends. If I could bottle it and sell it, I’d be a gazillionaire.
Tier 4: Esteem (Respect, Self-Esteem, Status, Recognition, Strength, Freedom)
Tier 4 is all about self-worth, and if there’s anyone in a woman’s life that makes her feel worthwhile, it’s her girl gang. Think about all the times you’ve spoken negatively about yourself—your girlfriends were there to set you straight. Think you look chunky in those pants? You look amazing. Second guessing your ability to get that promotion? No way. Go for it! Having a pity party over the jerk who dumped you? They’ll offer to set his house on fire. Your girlfriends have your back, and sometimes that’s all you need to know that everything’s going to be ok in life. You can see yourself in the best light because they see all of the wonderful, fabulously unique things about you.
Nothing instills a sense of womanly power like the feeling you get when you and your ladies hit the town, looking and feeling fabulous, enjoying the vibes you are bouncing off one another. As individuals, you are strong, but as a group, you are mighty. Looking around at the confident, successful, stylish, intelligent, and hilariously funny tribe with which you surround yourself, you get a genuine sense of belonging. You know that should the going get tough, these are the people you would want by your side. Girlfriends like these don’t come around often, but when they do, hold on tight.
Tier 5: Self-Actualization (Desire to be the most that one can be)
Tier 5 is the final tier and is the holy grail of girlfriend enlightenment, so to speak. Self-Actualization is all about being your best self. If your girlfriends aren’t inspiring you to be your best self, find a new pack of girlfriends. The ladies in your life should inspire you to be a better you, live your best life, face your fears, and own your baggage. They pick you up when you are down, but they also can give you a reality check when you’re off course or acting out of alignment with who they really know you to be.
One of the biggest ways we practice self-awareness and self-discovery is by having relationships with others. As the old adage goes, partners may come and go, but your true friends are there for life. These steadfast and sometimes lifelong friendships are the constants in our lives. They are the port in the storm, unwavering. Relationships like these are how we become who we are and a large reason for why we strive to be our best selves.
It’s clearly no surprise that girlfriends are a vital component of living your best, happiest, most fulfilled life. From physiological needs for survival all the way to our path to self-actualization, your best friends are a huge part of what makes you YOU. They are your strength when you are struggling and they are the mirror to help you learn the best and sometimes worst things about yourself. They are there during the best of times and the worst of times, and you know you can count on them, whether you talk once a day or once a quarter. So, next time you see your girlfriends, give them a huge hug and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.
*Dedicated to the 5th grade